virulent.nu // yinzer diaspora

When Good Muskrats Go Bad: Muskrat Ailments & You

Muskrats are not all fun & games, fur & feast. Sometimes they get sick or injured. This guide will show you how to prevent such travesties.

Colds
causes: drafts and damps
notable symptoms: sneezing, coughing, watery eyes, catarrh (or rattling of the nose)
treatment: 4oz camphor oil, 2 drams Eucalyptus, applying three drops per nostril.

Constipation
causes: overfeeding, sudden weather change, swallowing hair
notable symptoms: no poopies
treatment: freshly grated arecae nut, purgative of linseed oil, or quarter tablespoon of dry licorice powder on tongue

Diarrhoea
causes: feeding green stuff, too young or wet.
symptoms: soft, shapeless droppings
treatment: powered arrowroot, table salt, and baking soda over food
note: not dangerous if treated early

Paralysis
causes: dampness or lack of vitality
symptoms: stiffness in hindlegs, followed by dragging of said limbs on floor
treatment: die, sucka

Worms
symptoms: muskrats appear thin yet have good appetites
treatment: plenty of carrots, chcopped pumpkin seed, castor oil
note: for tapeworms, administer 5-10 drops male fern mixed with syrup

Wounds
causes: fighting
symptoms: festering dirty infection
treatment: wash gently, apply carbolized vasoline

For smelly ’skrats, “Chloride of Zinc” destroys fetid odors of putrefacation.

Today at work (a seven-plus hour stretch at the lab) I managed to burn my Western blot by reversing the polarity of a very clearly marked, very color-coded machine. The lab smelled like farts. This was (thankfully) salvageable and I did not destroy any equiptment, and as an added bonus, I was in the same room as a Chinese embassador a few hours earlier. Our floor gets all kinds of important visitors/donators, including but not limited to a half-dozen important Chinese education ministers. And everyone loves flies with motor deficits.